Castor's Private Conversations

Castor's first vision/dream: Episode One: On a Mission from God

Another dream this time with clear skies. A bird brings her food. The bird disappears and the dream shifts. A hill where there sits a tree stump. A man sits there, wearing brown robes. He feels like a fatherly figure. He speaks in a strange language that somehow Castor can understand. He gestures for Castor to sit down. She goes up, hesitant, and doesn't sit down. “Castor, my child. Please sit.” She feels that she should trust him. She sits.

He speaks, "Castor, you are special, my child. One in 100,000. I and my father have been waiting."

She blushes, "but-but I'm not- I'm just a smelters apprentice."

He smiles again, "You won't know for a while why, but you are special."

"but-"

"Castor, I have a task for you. You are a prophet. For too long, too many men have swayed my message. It is time for a woman to take the mantel. You must journey to the edges of the world. Trust in friends, the people who try to stop you, do not hate them but do not let them hinder you."

"are-are you...? You are Him! You are the Lord! Of course I will do what you ask, but- but my Lord, I don't have any friends..."

His smile turns sad, "you will know them when you meet. Trust in the Lord. You will find me in the center of all things."

"Yes, of course my Lord I-I will do my best to serve you."

"I know you will, but now I must go."

"I have so many questions..."

"I know, my child, but it is time for you to wake up." He smiles again, fading along with everything else in the dream.

JAMESTOWN with the Shaman: Episode Nine: Showdown at Jamestown

She enters the tent finding the shaman in the same place as last time, eyes closed. He speaks to her, inviting her to sit and inquiring how he can be of assistance. She sits, tentatively.

She asks him, "What do you know of magic?"

"Many have spoken of such things but I wonder what it is you wish to find from it. "

"I have it right? Can't control it very well. But also this other man also had it. A not so good guy and I-I let him go and now he could be causing harm in another place. Hurting people there because of my foolish actions here."

"Castor, you have a pure soul and mind it will take time to harness this and to learn from your mistakes. You must not rush, it will take time. What you fear will be sorted out in the natural order of things. No one can escape the wrath of nature forever."

"But he- he could he killing people! And its my fault. But then, its not my place to judge and take life, that is God's. But I can't help thinking I should have listened to my friends and killed him. It would have been easy physically." Her lip quivers. She adds in a whisper, "So why why couldn't I?"

"To kill to take another life is to rip one's soul. You are right, it is not your decision to make. The natural order will sort this out one way or another."

"But what about him? He could be causing so much harm now. He will face God when his time comes, but he may be causing actual suffering now."

"Are there not others who would rise to the call? Who would keep this man from exacting his will? There will always be those who do."

Castor pauses thinking of James,. "Yes I- There is a good man there. I can only hope he is strong enough." a few minutes of silence follow and then Castor asks, "But what about my friends, they are angry at me..."

"Their ire will ease with time. It may not seem this way but none can hold anger for long. It is a fickle, fleeting feeling we are not meant to hold for long. a flame that will burn the self as surely as it burns others."

"Thank you. Can-can I ask how you stay so calm all the time?"

"Nature, herbs, thoughts, people, sounds can be calming. You must find something that brings you joy, not excitement, peace. A thought a prayer something which calms you."

"What is your something?" he smiles and shakes his head.

"You need to look within yourself."

Resolving herself that that was the best answer she was going to get she asks, "Might I sit here with you? Meditate, sit quietly? I need to gather myself."

"Have you not already been doing so?"

"Thank you." She sits for about an hour, finding her center, trying to calm her pounding heart and release the anxiety she holds within. "Thank you for all your help."

"You are always welcome here."

After she returns to her friends she is slightly happier but still subdued. She thinks everyone is angry at her.

GERMANY while riding with the company toward Stralsund: Episode Ten: Revenants

Castor rides up to the 20 year old boy and chats him up a bit. "Hi there, my name is Castor whats yours?"

"My name is Adolf."

"How long have you been with this company?"

"They picked me up in Leipzig I've been with them for a few weeks." He adds, "look you don't seem the type to be with a lot like this, why did you join up?"

"You're right, heh, I guess you could say we’re looking for something."

"That's vague."

"Sorry. I don't know why Mr. Abot even wanted us. I mean, he's got two warriors up there plus its not like I really have anything to fight with."

"You have that." he says pointing at the gun.

"Ah, yeah if only I knew how to use it."

"What's the know? Point and shoot."

"Yeah well-" she begins but is cut off.

"Its probably best you don't use it anyway. Guns make noise."

"Ah yeah, wouldn't want to interrupt that tranquil forest."

"Ha! Yeahh, tranquil, right. Here, I have an extra dagger." He hands it to her.

"Thanks Adolf, you're alright."

Finding Gerrard the day after the party:Episode Sixteen: Murder in Stralsund

Castor goes to find Gerrard. She finds him outside the stables where The Bois stay. She apologizes for last night. "Please forgive my rudeness and drunken behavior. I'd never...I didn't know I would act so foolish."

He accepts the apology, telling her, "think nothing of it. I've seen far worse things happen."

"I am truly sorry though. I wonder...could-might we be friends? Start again?"

"Alright. I'd like that."

They become frens, spending time together. He teaches her to play cards and she tells him about the letters she's been learning. He treats her like a boy but after a month or two (as she grows boooobs) he grows wary. He asks her if she spoke true that night- is she really a girl. She says yes and apologizes for hiding it, telling him about her life in Florence. Why she had to pretend. Old habits die hard.

After that he is more self-conscious around her, far less comfortable. But during the final month or so of their stay he is less awkward, and more confident. Tentative hand holds and blushes are exchanged.

Then, the day before Castor and her friends are set to leave, he approaches her, "Will you stay?"

Taken aback, Castor says sadly, "I can’t. I'm on a quest."

Nervous, Gerrard blurts out, "butwhatifyoumarryme?"

Castor turns red, a smile forms on her lips before her face falls. Pain fills her voice, her throat threatening to close as tears prick her eyes. "It breaks my heart but... I have to say 'no.' I need to finish this quest…"

Crestfallen and slightly angry, Gerrard turns and leaves.

She calls out to him, "wait! What if- would you want to-come with us?"

He answers immediately, "Yes!"

Castor says, "but before you agree, I must tell you something but…you'll think I'm crazy. But-but please, listen, you have to know before we go." He listens attentively. "I'm on a quest from God and I have abilities- magic, miracles if you want to call them that."

He laughs. Castor looks slightly hurt then serious, "Gerrard. This is not a joke, it's true! I can show you! You're life will be in danger!"

"No, I trust you. I'll see it for myself."

Needing him to understand she presses, "What if you can't come back? Can't ever see your family, this city again?"

"I'll find a place wherever we go, with you." Castor's heart melts, unused to such love and devotion. "Castor, I love you. I want to be with you. Have a family, settle down."

Shaking she says, "But I-I'm not ready yet...I'm... scared. And my quest- I need to complete it before I can live in such luxury." He holds her, soothing her. Her shaking stops eventually. Her heart fills with joy and love but her mind nags at her for her selfishness.

Break up: Episode Twenty-Two: Sweeping Up the Ashes
The nurse lets her in and closes the door behind her. She enters shyly and has to stop herself running to him. Gerrard is in a bed, his gaze focused out the window. His arm is wrapped, splinted, and slung in a sling. His face is blank but he turns his head slightly, his eyes move the rest of the way to focus on her. “Oh it's… hi Castor.”

She moves slightly closer, her face etched with concern, “Hi, Gerrard, I, um, are you alright? Do you feel any better?” His body language reads extreme exhaustion but there's a distinct shift a second later as he turns to face her fully. He sits bolt upright and jolts backward and away.

“Shh, I’m just here to talk.” she holds up her hands trying to placate him.

“T-talk about what? The last thing I remember you…” His face morphs from fear to confusion, “what are you?”

“I don’t think-”

“We- we were on that ship on the ocean and then out of nowhere it disappears and it's daytime and we’re in a different place?? No one tells me anything!”

“I- I’m sorry Gerrard. You- you didn’t ask for this. I should never have brought you with me.”

“It was you? You did that? Brought me here?”

“Yes.” she shakes her head, “but I was wrong to. I’m sorry Gerrard but I-” her voice cracks, “I can't marry you. I can never give you the life you want. That I wanted. I can't ever settle down, give you children, truly be safe. There are people who are after me, they'll never stop. And they don't care who they hurt to get to me. They hurt you and I-I can’t watch you, can’t ask you to bear that burden. I'm sorry it took your getting hurt for me to see that.

I realize it was a selfish, childish fantasy that I could ever have a normal life, be happy. I was a naive fool, I see that now, but it does not excuse my behavior. I am so, so sorry Gerrard. I-”

“Stop!” tears leak down his face but he brushes them away, trying to pretend they never appeared. “Just stop.” Castor stands shaking uncontrollably, tears threaten but she does not let them fall. “Leave me alone, please.” his voice is broken and small. Castor backs away, speaking in barely a whisper but loud enough he will hear, “Maybe one day you can forgive me for taking you from your home, promising you a life, letting you get hurt, but I could never forgive myself if I let you die because of what I am. I-I’m sorry. I pray you find happiness.” she leaves the room without turning back. Tears flow freely down her cheeks. She makes it to her room, weeping until she no longer has tears to shed.

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Episode Twenty-Six: Nights like These... Upon completing the Versailles vision

She awakes next to Hollinzoller. For a moment she looks around confused. “Hollinzoller?”

He turns to her, "You should be meditating Castor, what is it?"

“I think-I think I did it.” realization dawns on her face, “I did it!” her face cracks into the widest smile Hollinzoller, or anyone in fact, has ever seen on her.

"Are you sure? How do you know?" Hollenzoller seems as excited as a man like him can be, while still remaining skeptical in tone.

She describes what happend and how she got to the necklace. How she can just feel it. "I don't think I have complete control yet but I know next time I try, it'll be me." She positively beams, “I did it! I did it! I did it! I-I didn’t think I could- b-but I did!” Forgetting herself for a moment, she embraces him, she stiffens a moment later and backs off, “I’m- sorry I-”

He returns the embrace, but lets her go when she tries to leave. "I don't know much about Ashar, that was always Elizabeth's domain, if she were here I'm sure she'd have something important to tell you....just, good job, I'm proud of you Castor."

She blushes, her smile sticking but turning embarrassed. "I'm-I'm glad you're here. I couldn't have done it without you. Really, I- t-thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, we should continue our meditation, we have no way of knowing for certain if you've truly mastered Ashar or not, I think continuing is the best course."

“I should tell the others!” She moves to get up but catches sight of the darkness pressing at the windows. Her smile fades slightly but is still present, “I should let them sleep, I can tell them tomorrow.” She sits back, throws a smile at hollinzoller, then closes her eyes to continue meditating.